I finally did it. I actually submitted my short story, and I have the worst feeling in my stomach.
I had to do it eventually. After all, from what I've heard, you have to receive enough rejection letters to wallpaper a room in your house before you actually get published. At least I know that. At least I'm prepared, right?
I mean, I'm not actually expecting them to say yes. I feel like such a beginner.
It's funny though. How writers deconstruct their rejections too. Yes, I wouldn't have believed it either, but someone from my writing group said she found a web site where the writers actually categorize their rejection letters into "personal," "form letter," "form letter that sounds really personal," and so on.
But I'm just submitting it one place--it's actually a contest. I won't know for several months. And no, it's not the $15 submission fee that is making me sick. I've already accepted that I'm losing $15.
I was told once you're supposed to start at the top--meaning, The New Yorker? Yeah right. I was so nervous just pressing "enter" onto my keyboard to get the The New Yorker's web site that I simply fled the web site, my heart beating so loudly it almost woke Portia up in her room. Maybe that's why I'll have enough to wallpaper a room, though--from starting close to the top. Because I'm definitely not getting into The New Yorker.
Let's face it, I'm not tough enough for all this stuff. I don't market myself well. I just like to sit in a room all alone and feel completely okay because I am alone. No one is reading what I'm writing. That's the only reason I have enough courage to even write.
Agh, how did I get into this?
Maybe I'll just be that person who puts a completed manuscript into a cedar chest and waits until I die, then my daughters can find it, submit it, and I'll be famous, once I'm safely four feet underground. Okay, so I'm not honestly thinking I'll be famous. I just would like one person to feel better off for having read my thoughts. That's it. Maybe there's something to say for humility, I guess that's one thing I do have.
I'm off to shop online. Maybe that will settle me down. Well, maybe not, the "rope dress" from Gymboree that I've been waiting to buy for Bianca until it went on sale is gone.
