Yeah, I know she's not a baby anymore, but she's all I got and sometimes I still carry her around (although as a mom, I know I shouldn't do this for a 4-year-old) and I let her climb into bed with me in the morning and we even pretend she's a baby (she crawls around the house with a bottle she prepares herself and says "goo goo"). But today I have proof that she really is growing up: today we took off the training wheels and she rode a two-wheeler.
This was precipitated by the other girls her age on our block that have been riding two-wheelers for a week or so now. I know she's felt a little left out; she doesn't ride as fast as they since she still had training wheels. Sometimes (which is so rare I knew something was wrong), she'd come inside and let me hold her and didn't even want to play with her friends who were still outside. She felt left out since she was still riding a bike with training wheels.
Tonight, after the coaxing of a couple neighbor kids and Bianca herself, I grabbed a wrench and a screwdriver and sat on the sidewalk and took the training wheels off. I didn't want to do it. I was convinced she really needed those training wheels. I was scared to death she wasn't ready. But I took them off and I held onto the seat and then I did it: I let go. And she kept going. By herself. I couldn't believe it.
She still has some work to do: she needs me to push her off at the beginning, but I promised her I'd teach her how to do it herself. I'm pretty sure I'll be spending quite a bit of time outside tomorrow. But at least she needs me for a little while longer. Well, at least until school starts in two weeks and she's in kindergarten and will probably never look back again.
When she was riding her bike tonight, I instructed her that she shouldn't look back, that it would break her balance. But I guess in the back of my mind, I always want her to look back and see me there and care that I'm there. And I'll try my best not to let her fall, even though I know I can't catch her everytime. But I sure as hell will try.
