It's official

Something's been wrong lately. Nothing I eat tastes good. And I have to eat a lot. And I'm incredibly tired and crabby. Just ask my poor friends who see me often. Just ask Bianca.

I suspected right before Eric left for India, but he wanted me to wait to find out. I told Bianca what I suspected. And she announced to her entire kindergarten class on the first week of school that we were having a baby. I almost waited until Eric got back, then did it the night before and had the positive test waiting for him.

We're all excited. I am, as much as possible, while I'm not on the verge of vomitting and eating stale saltines in bed.

Bianca said she wants a brother. She already has a sister. I think I'd like to have another girl. Deep down, I know I shouldn't think this, but I feel like why couldn't God just give me Miranda back? Wouldn't that work? I could start all over, do everything just right--why is that so wrong to think? But I know it is.

Because I know I'm supposed to love this child for the individual that he or she is. That this child is not replacing Miranda. And I'm sure I will, when I see her. (For the sake of clarity, I'll just be referring to the baby as a girl, as there is an 80 percent chance that after two girls, your next will also be a girl.)

It's ironic though. The due date is going to be very close to Miranda's birthday. I'll be pregnant during the same seasons. So, as my friend Brenda would say, they'll be the same sign, which is important. Maybe this child will be laid back and low key as Miranda was. I'm crossing my fingers that this child will get those amazing green eyes and olive skin tone.